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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Chris Garlington's Death By Children

Christopher Garlington is a stay-home dad in Chicago. His Death By Children blog has a sizable helping of hilarious vignettes that now makes me regret never having children, simply for the endless comedy material.

His latest entry is what made me look at his blog in the first place. Called Freemasonry, X-Box, Burnout 2, and the New Man, he makes some unusual observations. He's not a Mason, but lately I've been examining the opinions of non-Masons who comment on Masonic topics. I know he's trying to be funny, but he may be onto something:

I was doing some stats the other day and found out that there are over 2 million men staying home in the role traditionally reserved for women. 2 million.

X-box is marketing to the wrong people. For that matter, so are the dying fraternities that once funded all the parades—the Rotary, the Lions Club, and the Freemasons.

When they aren’t busy taking over the world and hiding the Holy Grail, the Freemasons spend a lot of time talking about Freemasonry. A website devoted to the fraternity recently posted an article saying that this breeding ground fro Shriners, Illuminati, and Alien Death Ray mechanics has watched its membership dwindle from a strong 4 million around the mid 50s to only about 2.5 million today. The reason for the drop in numbers has a lot to with the disconnect in the 60s, but really, more so with the fact that those 4 million guys in the mid 50s are all dead or dying now and the Masons and all those other clubs where you grandfather used to go practice secret handshakes and wear a fez, well they don’t exactly advertise. In fact, they do the exact opposite. You have to go to them. That’s kind of like having a sports store in an unmarked building. But that’s their way. I think they ought to quietly take a long look into the new crop of daddy-bloggers. Because I don’t want all these old clubs to disappear. We need guys to wear funny hats and drive miniature Caddilacs in parades. We need secret handshakes.

And imagine the boon to these clubs when they get 2 million members who all have no real job? The Christmas party committee is gonna rock! We’ll never miss a meeting (unless there’s a little-league game, basketball, chess club, band, football, theatre, AP classes, or a special episode of Lost. Otherwise we’ll be there.

I’m putting a call out to the Daddy Bloggers out there: join a fraternity today. Get your funny hat. Get your secret handshake. Drive that tiny car. You deserve it!


  1. well thats a hell of a spin! i think your right, he may just be onto to something!

  2. Of course we all know that the membership numbers of the '50s were a fluke.

    But yeah, he may have something there.

  3. Whattaya mean I'm not a freemason!? I'm currently sitting in the west, rock the 1st degree charge, and have wrecked two fundraising events single handedly. Often fried, never deep fried, ready to be deep fried again! SMIB.


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